Angel flesh
by Dreams and Mind Riots
Summary: Castiel is filled with guilt over Jimmy Novak. He plans to return his body to the Novak family and needs Deans help. How will Dean take this?


Angel Flesh

This isn't the first time the choice for his vessel has weighed on Castiel. For years he's had to remind himself that Jimmy Novak, willingly sacrificed himself for the greater good. Since Hanna left he cant get Jimmy's family off his mind. He feels the least he can do is offer his vessel back to them and give Mr. Novak a proper resting place. Perhaps even the closure people talk about. He hasn't given as much thought to his new vessel. There are after all, humans flooding the earth who's souls leave a lot to be desired. Why should a good man have been taken from his family. Breaking the bloodline rule would be just one of many rules Castiel would be guilty of at this point. The influence of the Winchesters and experiencing humanity has been enlightening. Determined this is what he should do, Castiels biggest concern now, is the impact this will have on his relationship with Dean. Will Dean still trust or even like him if he appears different. Dean is a creature of habit and still very much in need of his help. The Mark is not going away on its own and the future in uncertain enough. He never use to feel burdened with such things and his major decisions didn't always factoring in Dean Winchester. Why does he feel Dean is the only one who can put this into perspective for him.

Castiel watches Dean from a distance. Dean is walking the grounds of the bunker cleaning up the scattered branches downed from a bad wind storm the day before. Once he gathers all the brush in a pile, he douses it with fuel and lights it. He parks himself in a chair with a cooler of beer next to him looking fairly relaxed for Dean. Cas sees this as good a time as any.

Attempting to adapt more to the human way of doing some things Cas decides to simply walk up to Dean rather than is usual surprise. Dean sees him approach from the far side of the bonfire.

"Cas is that you" Dean asks, squinting to see through the thick smoke.

" Yes Dean, its me" Cas stops and looks around a bit avoiding eye contact. He's more nervous than he anticipated for this discussion.

Dean is quick to pick up on this. "Is everything okay? You look pretty serious."

"Yes Dean, Everything is fine. I just need to talk to you about something. I need your opinion on a matter, your approval. I don't know. I guess I need a friend."

Dean asks teasingly. "You having some lady trouble Cas? You've come to the right place."

"Dean this is important. I need to know how or if, what I'm going to do will affect you"

Dean hands Cas a beer a motions for him to sit in the other chair.

"Cas, hold on buddy, start over. Whats the problem?"

Cas sits and takes a deep breath before he continues. "Dean, would it matter to you if I were still me, only looked different? If I were to lose this vessel. Would you still think of me the same? Would you still trust me to help you?"

Deans first concern is Castiels well being. "Is it because your grace was so depleted? What, did your body not recover? Cas whats going on?"

"No Dean. That's not it. I have been thinking about Jimmy Novak. You met him Dean. He was a good man, and he's gone because of me. I think I owe it to his family to at least give his body back.

Dean looks confused. "Cas, I get it. We all feel bad about things. But you said yourself, the first time we spoke in fact. That he prayed for this. You really didn't do anything wrong".

"His family didn't ask for it Dean. I owe them something. I have to do something."

Dean becomes shaken up when he realizes Cas is serious about his intentions. "Where the hell is this coming from all of a sudden?"

Castiel tries to explain his exchange with Hanna. "Dean, Hanna spent far less time on earth than I did, and she felt the need to give up her vessel. Why am I not questioning this until now?

Dean rolls his eyes as he responds. "I knew that broad was trouble, she..."

" Dean, don't! She is good, despite the encounter you had with her. She is good"

"Well she didn't exactly swallow hell, deal with the apocalypse or purgatory, now did she?

What the hell does she know?"

"She knows a lot Dean. Please don't speak of her that way"

"Well she doesn't know you like I do, or what we've been through." Dean says in a resentful tone.

"I didn't come here to upset you Dean. I just needed some advice. I need to know that you would still trust me if I changed."

Dean deflates back into his chair sulking as he opens another beer.

"Of course I trust you Cas. This is dumb. Its a done deal. Why cant you just leave it alone?"

" So you're gonna show up like some Gomer Pile looking fuck and Im suppose to take you seriously?"

" Who..., whats the difference Dean. I'm going to do this. I just needed to know you would still trust me. Cas hands Dean his empty beer bottle and begins to walk away. Suddenly Castiel feels like crying, as if a death has occurred. A feeling comes over him that he doesn't understand. It drives him to the kind of dramatics he's only seen in humans. What he does next surprises even himself. He turns to Dean and says "Promise me you will get the remains to the Novak family. You are the only one I trust to do this." Castiel then steps into the fire before Dean can stop him.

Dean is in shock. He springs from his seat and races to to pluck Castiel from the fire. Throwing Cas to the ground and rolling him several times, he manages to put out the flames. Castiel is lying on his back, Dean is knelt over him on one knee beating at the small remaining embers melting holes in Castiels coat. The fire out, Dean continues to hit Castiel. He's pissed and can't hide it.

"You stupid son of a bitch. I may not have it all together right now, but you have lost your shit. Why would you do this to me right now?

"Its only flesh Dean. When I pulled you from hell, all I knew was that you were important. It didn't matter. Why does it matter?

Dean drops to his other knee out of breath and sits on Castiels legs.

"Your going to make me say it aren't you?

"Say what Dean?"

Clenching Castiels smoking coat, Dean pulls at him until he's upright facing him and begins to cry.

"Who's face do you think I see when I pray? When I'm up to my balls in a mess. Who do I expect to see? Do you know that when you were in purgatory, I saw you everywhere man, everywhere! I thought I was losing it. The last thing I saw every night as I fell to sleep, was your eyes as you slipped from my hand. It does matter Cas. I cant explain how I feel to you Cas, I just can't." Tears now a steady stream down Deans face.

Then show me Dean. Help me understand. Castiel reaches up touching Deans forehead to read his thoughts. Dean smacks his hand away.

"No Cas" He pulls Castiels head to his lips resting them there as he slowly catches his breath. Castiel is frozen with emotion as Dean moves down to kiss his cheeks then his nose. He lets go of Castiels coat to hold his face as he gently bite at his lips until they open for the kiss they were both dying for. Castiel returned the kiss with desire and great relief.

Smiling softly Cas says, "I'm sorry Dean I needed to know how you felt.

That was nice that you kissed everything you like about me Dean."

Dean pulls Castiel to his feet.

"Oh no, we're heading inside. Its going to be a long night. You are never going to want to leave this vessel, ever!"

"Dean what about Sam?" Cas asks as they enter the bunker.

"I'm all done keeping things from Sam, and you. Look what just almost happened."

They walk passed Sam as he looks up from the book he's been buried in.

"What the hell happened to you two?" Sam asks.

Castiel politely answers, "Well I was on fire to see how bad Dean wanted my body. Turns out its pretty important to him"

"Okay Cas, that's enough!" Dean says turning red in the face.

Sam releases a heartfelt grin quickly replaced by a devilish one as he yells pass the slamming door.

"Its okay guys, Ill just wait for the musical!"


End file.
